Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize