is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
