hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
