you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
