I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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