I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
