he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
