I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
