giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
