just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
