I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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