sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
