You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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