Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
