he was CRYING into my vagina
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize