i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
