ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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