Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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