i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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