miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
