her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
