I'm so fucking centered right now
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
