so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You have to summon your inner elephant
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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