I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
