don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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