I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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