I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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