I think I am morally bankrupt
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
