i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
