The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
