We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
