the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
