You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
