i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
