6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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