i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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