there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
