My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
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