Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
