remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
