You're completely useless in the revolution.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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