I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
