Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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