Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
