After last night, I could never be a politician.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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