we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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