I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
