dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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