I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Randomize