My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
