Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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