Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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