Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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