I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize