Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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