the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
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