New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Fuck appropriateness.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize