its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
How naked do you want me to be?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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