Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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