My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
