I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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