Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
