I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I feel like death gave me a hand job
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
