I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
