I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
