Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
