shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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