I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
