She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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