Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
