My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
