I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
