That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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