who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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