If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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