oh god the rape fog is back!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Randomize
