Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize