Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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