He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize