I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
