we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
