i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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