So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
