I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
