you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
