My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
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