just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
