Jerry, you need to find god
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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