The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
