I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Found your dick twin last night
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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