he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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