Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
