Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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