i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
